


The Favor

by pomme_noir



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Angst, Love Triangle, M/M, Pon Farr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-08
Updated: 2011-11-08
Packaged: 2017-10-25 20:29:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/274467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pomme_noir/pseuds/pomme_noir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonard take Jim's place with unforseen consequences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Favor

**Author's Note:**

> AN: Written for this years star trek bigbang. Thank you to my beta sutipple. The links to the art and music can be found [here](http://pomme-noir.livejournal.com/10889.html)  
>  **Please be aware that this story is primarily Kirk/McCoy.**  
>  Warnings: References to character death and strong language.  
> Disclaimer: I do not own ST or profit off this story.

_Prologue_

Leonard sat on the balcony, feet propped on the railing, sipping a beer. The breeze coming off the bay was just starting to pick up now that the sun was going down. All in all it was a beautiful view. Too bad it was wasted on him. He took another drag off his bottle and sighed. Scrubbing a hand across his face, he contemplated once again how the hell he’d made such a mess out of his life. He kept coming back to the same conclusion: he never should have taken Jim’s place. If he had just let events play out without his interference, he wouldn’t be sitting here alone, drinking and for the second time in less than five years trying to put himself back together.

_Eight months prior_

Leonard took a steadying breath before entering the code that would allow him entrance into Spock’s quarters. The blast of hot air stole the breath from his lungs. It was even hotter than usual and his shirt was already sticking to his back. Once the door closed he locked it using his medical isolation code. The door wouldn’t open until he wanted it to, no matter how hard Jim might try. Leonard was doing this for him, anyway, braving the lion’s den so Jim didn’t have to. The kid was forever putting everyone else before himself, but not this time.

He didn’t see Spock at first. The room was dark and the air heavy with incense. Leonard stuck close to the wall, so he couldn’t be snuck up on and to keep from running into furniture. “Spock,” he called. There was no response.

He continued edging slowly along until he hit the end of the wall. If he remembered correctly, if he followed the next wall it would lead him to the divider between bedroom and living area. He inched forward, always alert to any whisper of movement or sound. He was sweating so hard his shirt was now heavy with moisture. Every step felt like he was dealing with higher levels of Newtons. Not knowing where Spock was grating on his nerves like steel. Leonard bet the bastard was just sitting in a chair, watching him.

He made it around the divider, and with arms outstretched he walked until he hit the bed. After patting the mattress and finding it unoccupied he sat down to remove his boots. He stood up and removed the rest of his clothes. He lay down only to jump back up and rummage around in his clothes until he found the bottle of lube he had brought. He definitely wasn’t going to survive this encounter without it.

Bottle clutched to his chest, he lay back and waited for the Vulcan. Maybe Spock was deep in meditation and that was why he hadn’t jumped Leonard the minute he had walked into Spock’s quarters. As the minutes ticked by, his feeling of ridiculousness grew. Here he was, spread out on his friend’s bed, waiting to be ravished like a Victorian bride.

Not knowing how long he’d have to wait for Spock to come out of hiding, Leonard figured it wouldn’t hurt to make sure he was ready for him. Lifting up a leg, he opened the bottle of lubricant and coated his fingers. Tilting up, he slicked up the outside of his entrance before dipping inside. He didn’t even have a chance to move his fingers before he heard a growl and the bed dipped.

“S-spock,” he stuttered.

The Vulcan crouched above Leonard and sniffed him. Leonard held still, afraid that Spock was going to tear him apart. He knew the risks, though. It was better that he should be the one injured or dead rather than Jim.

Any relief he had gotten from removing his clothes was gone as Spock’s hot body pressed him into the mattress. He felt Spock’s erection against his leg and shivered. Leonard slowly removed his fingers from his anus and waited. Spock continued to snuffle at his throat before moving down. It was distressing not being able to see him, only feeling his heat and breath. While Spock was not by nature verbose, he was hardly ever quiet around Leonard, and his lack of biting remarks had Leonard feeling off balance. Spock just rutted against Leonard and continued his weird olfactory exploration.

Leonard yelped when Spock buried his noise into his pubis. “I know you were expecting Jim, but I just couldn’t let him do it.”

When Spock nosed around Leonard’s balls, Leonard felt the first stirrings of arousal. Spock made a pleased sound and lifted up, pushing Leonard’s legs out as he prepared to penetrate him. Leonard reached between them and grasped Spock and guided him in. Once inside, Spock held nothing back. His thrusts were hard, just on the right side of violent, and his rhythm steady. Leonard was ecstatic over his foresight to add more lubricant when he had the chance. He turned his head to make sure the lube was close at hand; as he did so, he felt fingers spread over his face—Spock was going to meld with him.

Leonard force himself to relax and fight the instinctive urge to lash out and run. He had never understood Jim’s willingness to meld, especially after Delta Vega. He’d known it was coming, though; he had been present for every one of Jim and Spock’s talks about how they were going to handle Pon Farr. Spock needed to bond in order not to accidently kill his partner. It was the main reason Leonard had decided to take Jim’s place. Jim was too important—that, and his lover had already sacrificed enough. Leonard wouldn’t be able to stop him in the future, but on this issue he could and had.

He felt the presence of Spock in his mind like lightning, startling and electric. He’d always thought it would feel like a bug crawling in his brain, but it was more like water. Spock had seeped into every available crevice and filled it up. Spock had shown both Leonard and Jim shielding techniques, and Leonard struggled to employ them now. Spock’s presence was intense, and Leonard forgot all about the cock moving inside of him and focused instead on watching Spock create the bond.

Leonard felt a tug in the back of his mind and then something stretching, being pulled taut, before it snapped back into place. He hadn’t realized Spock had been doing any kind of shielding until suddenly he was inundated with more thoughts and feelings than he could process. He felt Spock’s need to copulate, his possessive desire of Leonard’s person, the struggle to maintain any semblance of logic and— _love?_ Before Leonard could examine that emotion, he was yanked back into the awareness of his body.

His hand was on his cock, slowly working it. He didn’t remember touching himself. Spock’s pace hadn’t changed, and with his new awareness Leonard understood just how demanding the mating imperative was. He sped up the movement of his hand as he felt Spock grip him tighter; he could feel how close Spock was to coming, and it was pushing Leonard closer to his own orgasm.

“Fuck!” he gasped a minute later and he came all over his hand.

He felt Spock pulse inside him. He couldn’t help a twinge of guilt at the thought that up until this moment, Jim had been the only one to ever do that. He pushed his thoughts of Jim away. If Jim were here he would enjoy the sex for what it was: a necessary act to save his best friend’s life. Originally Leonard had thought he would be thinking of Jim constantly, feeling like he was betraying his lover, but Spock’s condition and the resulting emotions overwhelmed him and left him achy and tingly. He made a conscious choice to push all such thoughts from his head and focus on saving his friend.

Spock hadn’t pulled out after he had come. He was still half-hard inside of Leonard and Leonard shifted, trying to ease the ache in his legs. He was thirsty, too. It finally hit awkward after several minutes of silence. He didn’t quite know what to say. Jim probably would have made a pithy comment and laughed. Leonard knew Spock was at least cognizant enough to know it was Leonard beneath him and not Jim. He’d have thought Spock would have a problem with it, but more than likely Spock didn’t care who was under him. When he came back to himself, however, it would be another story.

Spock started moving inside him again. Leonard tentatively reached up to touch him. He traced Spock’s ear. He felt a little silly, but he had always wondered. Spock tipped his head into his touch. Leonard sent his other hand skittering up the Vulcan’s side to feel his heartbeat. He estimated it was beating fifteen times faster than normal. He wished he had his tricorder on him; he’d be interested to see what Spock’s hormone levels were like. It was easy to for him to focus on the medical aspects; Spock, however, didn’t seem to like that, and set about turning Leonard’s attention to back to him.

He and Spock had sex five more times before they took a break. Leonard took a shower because he felt absolutely disgusting. Spock lingered in the doorway until Leonard invited him to join him. It felt weird to shower with someone else. Jim was usually all over Leonard when they showered together, but Spock made a concerted effort to not touch him; instead he stood off in the corner and looked at Leonard.

“For goodness’ sake, Spock. Quit staring at me and come over here.”

“I did not think you would welcome my touch beyond what was necessary.”

“We just fucked on and off for 24 hours. I don’t think a little touching makes a difference, do you?”

Spock shuffled forward and took the shampoo from him. Leonard watched as Spock poured some out and then rubbed his hands together before he started massaging Leonard’s scalp. In some ways it felt more intimate than if Spock had just bent him over and fucked him again. Leonard was about to protest that he could wash his own hair when he felt that shocking tingle that was fast becoming familiar.

“What’s causing that?”

Spock’s fingers stilled for a moment before continuing. “It is the bond. When we touch, it is recognizing its other half. You could say the sensation you are experiencing is the bond coming to life.”

“Will it happen every time we touch?”

“Yes.”

“Huh. Guess it’s a good thing we almost never do.”

Spock didn’t respond, only continued to massage Leonard’s scalp. Eventually he removed his fingers and guided Leonard underneath the spray. Leonard was about to offer to wash Spock’s hair when a wave of desire hit him. “I guess I’ll wash your hair next time. “

He didn’t bother drying off. The heat from the room would do the job for him. He started to head back to the bed, but Spock stopped him. “You need to eat.”

“Yeah, but—” He gestured to Spock.

“It is not yet at the point where I cannot control it.”

Leonard followed him out to the main area without complaint and waited for Spock to order food from the replicator. “You don’t have to do this. I can get it myself.”

“You are doing me a great service. It is the least I can do.”

Leonard wanted to protest further. He could feel Spock’s need growing. His stomach growled, and from Spock’s raised eyebrow he had heard it, too. Leonard ate his food in silence. Spock was meditating, and from what Leonard could tell he was only having partial luck. It was weird being able to read Spock’s emotions. They were too hazy and chaotic for Leonard to really get a grasp on them, what with the hormones raging through Spock’s body at the moment, but in the shower he had been able to tell each emotion from the other. It occurred to him then that Spock could probably read his emotions in turn. He momentarily flinched at the thought, and then smiled. Spock was always telling Leonard how overemotional he was. If it weren’t for Spock’s condition, Leonard would probably be driving him up the wall.

Pushing away his plate, he stood and reached out for Spock. “Come on. We need to rest. I have something that will put you out for a couple of hours.” He needed a turn with the regenerator before he’d be ready to go again, and he’d rather not have Spock looking at him while he did it. Spock quietly followed him back to the bed. Leonard grabbed ointment along with a hypo and went back to Spock.

“This should put you out for four, maybe two hours.”

Spock stopped Leonard from injecting him and instead took the ointment from his hand. Leonard protested, but Spock quieted him with, “It is my fault you are in need of such aids.”

Warm hands pushed Leonard down and turned him over. Leonard buried his face in Spock’s pillow. He thought it was ridiculous that he should be so embarrassed, since Spock had already had his dick up his ass, so his fingers really shouldn’t be a big deal. Spock’s movements were efficient and quick. He went to wash off his hands and ready the hypo. When he returned Leonard administered the sleep aid and watched as Spock drifted off. His body would probably burn the drug off twice as fast in his current state, but it was long enough that Leonard should be able to heal himself and get a little sleep himself.

He was brought back to consciousness by the feeling of hands on his body. He batted the hands away. “Fuck off, Jim. ‘m tired.” He felt a sudden stabbing pain and lifted a hand to his forehead and cursed. Slitting open an eye, he saw Spock. “Fuck. I’m sorry.”

The pain receded and Spock reached out to touch him again. Leonard rolled onto his back only to have Spock turn him back onto his stomach. He was about to protest when Spock’s hands scratched down his back and Leonard arched and exhaled. “Spock, what are you doing?”

Spock didn’t answer, only replaced his hands with his mouth. Leonard wasn’t sure what to do. There was something aggressive and possessive about Spock that both scared and thrilled him. This didn’t feel like all the times before, Spock just rutting to satisfy an urge. It felt like Spock was taking and not caring what anybody said. Leonard jumped when Spock’s fingers, slick with lubricant, entered him. Spock made quick work of prepping him before sliding in. Leonard’s mind and body exploded at the almost full body contact.

“Sweet fuck!” He gripped the sheets tightly and pushed back. It had never felt like this before. His whole being was buzzing and he was going crazy with it. Spock loosened his grip on the sheets and linked their hands together. “Spock, I—”

Spock just fucked into him more forcefully and Leonard cried out. He could actually feel what Spock was experiencing. It was phenomenal. He knew he was babbling and generally making a spectacle of himself, but he didn’t care. He’d never been this overwhelmed and blissed out before, and he’d been lovers with Jim Kirk for two years.

The suddenness of Spock biting his neck surprised an orgasm out of him. All Leonard could do was shudder and jerk as he rode out the most shattering orgasm he’d ever had. The bite stung and he felt completely spent, but Spock kept going. When Leonard gained back some of his coherence he noticed Spock was rubbing his hands on Leonard’s. Leonard wasn’t stupid; he knew what that meant to Vulcans. He thought he should say something, but he was honestly too fucked out to do much more than lie there and take it.

Now that he wasn’t so focused on achieving his pleasure he was better able to focus on the feedback he was getting from Spock. Spock was enjoying fucking him, a lot. There was sadness though, and Leonard wasn’t sure what to make of it. There was also that feeling Leonard had sensed before, the one he thought was love. Spock came with one last hard thrust, and everything stilled. Then he quickly pulled out and got up.

“Thank you, Leonard. I appreciate the sacrifice you’ve made.”

Before Leonard could say anything, Spock disappeared into the bathroom. Leonard didn’t know whether to be insulted or bemused. He settled for bemused. He stood up gingerly and put his clothes back on. He would have liked a chance to at least do a quick cleanup before going back to his quarters, but it looked like Spock wasn’t going to come out until Leonard left.

He staggered a little on the way to the door. That wasn’t good. The last thing he wanted was the crew gossiping about how he’d stumbled out of Spock’s quarters looking like he’d just got fucked five ways from Sunday—which he had, but they didn’t need to know that.

He poked his head out the door to check whether the coast was clear. The corridor was deserted. He wondered what time it was as he hurried to the turbolift. Once back in his room he breathed a sigh of relief. He looked at the chronometer and saw that it was the middle of gamma shift. The message light on his terminal was flashing and he almost groaned. He was willing to bet his last bottle of liquor that they were all from Jim. Hopefully Jim would be sleeping and Leonard would have time to get himself cleaned up and presentable before facing the wrath that was his Captain and lover.

He shucked his clothes and all but crawled into his shower. Something felt off; he wasn’t sure what it was, though. He started when he realized that it was because he couldn’t feel Spock. In the unbelievably short span of a few hours he’d gone and gotten used to being able to tell what Spock was feeling. It felt weird, now, being all alone in his head. He seriously needed to get a grip. It’d be a cold day in hell when being bound to that green-blooded computer in any way should become appealing.

A wounded sound had him swiveling his head to look behind him. Jim was standing in the doorway. _Goddammit_ , he hadn’t wanted Jim to see him like this: covered in bruises and bite marks given to him by another man. He had thought he’d have enough time to get rid of the worst of it before Jim confronted him. At least he no longer reeked of ejaculate.

“Jim—”

Jim seemed to gather himself together. “Are you all right?” Leonard just nodded dumbly. He should have anticipated that Jim would be on him the instant he left Spock’s quarters. “Good. I’ll let you finish, but we have to talk.”

“Okay.”

Leonard knew there would be a price to pay for what he’d done, but he really didn’t think Jim had a leg to stand on considering he’d been planning on doing it himself. He quickly finished showering and purposely didn’t think about Spock’s long fingers massaging shampoo into his hair. He stepped back into his room, naked. He was crossing to his dresser to pull out some clothes when Jim stopped him.

“Why did you do it, Bones?” he asked, staring at the vivid bite mark on Leonard’s neck.

“So you wouldn’t have to.”

“That was the plan, though. I was supposed to be the one, not you.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were so eager to fuck your first officer.”

“Don’t try and change the subject. Why didn’t you think I could handle going through Pon Farr with Spock?”

“It wasn’t a matter of me not thinking you couldn’t do it. I didn’t think you should have to!”

Jim face was a mask of tightly controlled anger. “It wasn’t your decision to make.”

“Maybe not, but I don’t regret it.”

“Did it not occur to you that Spock was expecting me, and that by your showing up things could have gone very differently?”

“Yes. I can’t explain it, Jim, but he knew it was me. I don’t understand why you’re so angry.”

“Why I’m angry? Because my boyfriend just went behind my back and did something incredibly dangerous.”

Leonard glared at Jim. “I think that’s part of the reason you’re angry. I think you’re jealous. Ask yourself this: why is it okay for you to be the one to see Spock through Pon Farr and not me?”

Jim sputtered for a second before he lost it. “You’re mine. I hate the fact that someone else has touched you—even Spock.”

“Oh, Jim. I am yours, always. Don’t you think I’d feel the same way if you’d been the one?”

“Is that why you did it—because you didn’t want Spock touching me?”

“No. I told you why I did it.”

Jim reached out and touched the bruises on Leonard’s hips. “Promise me he didn’t hurt you,” he ordered raggedly.

“He didn’t. I promise.” Leonard pulled Jim to him and hugged him. “I love you. I’ll do everything in my power to protect you and make your life easier.”

“While I appreciate it, I really wish you hadn’t fucked Spock. At least tell me he was a horrible lay.”

“The worst. I didn’t come once,” Leonard lied smoothly. He wasn’t ever going to tell Jim he’d come the hardest he ever had. That it had been a one of a kind experience being with Spock. No, some things were better left unsaid.

Jim tugged Leonard over to the bed and started kissing his neck, sucking a bruise on the opposite side from the mark Spock had left. Leonard was tired and sore, but he didn’t have the heart to push Jim away. He understood that his lover wanted to reclaim him. He’d probably be no different if the situation were reversed. He let Jim maneuver onto his stomach, held still as Jim slid slick fingers inside of him. Jim kept whispering “mine” over and over again. Leonard bit the pillow when Jim entered him and started a brutal rhythm. Jim squeezed fresh bruises over the ones on Leonard’s hips and arms. When Leonard came, it was dry. He waited until Jim fell asleep before getting up and cleaning up again. Then he set about erasing all marks from his body. Jim would enjoy putting fresh ones on him tomorrow.

Leonard found himself behaving oddly over the next several months. He started seeking out Spock’s company almost immediately after Pon Farr. He didn’t know why, at first, and it unsettled him. It also hadn’t escaped Jim’s attention. There was a kind of tension between them, and worse, it was starting to bleed over into the friendship between Jim and Spock. Spock hadn’t said anything about Leonard’s new-found interest in being near him, but he had to have noticed, too.

There were nights when Leonard had to physically restrain himself from seeking out Spock. Those were usually the nights he worked late or worked out until he was near falling down from exhaustion. Jim had stopped coming to get him a week ago. Leonard was painfully aware that his behavior was hurting both their relationship and Jim himself. He had figured out the cause for the unusual attraction, though, a few weeks ago. He rationalized that the reason he kept seeking out Spock was because he wanted that feeling again that he got when he and Spock touched. Leonard wasn’t crazy enough to tell Jim that, and Spock was avoiding him so he couldn’t ask about the strange compulsion he seemed to be experiencing.

Leonard had done some research on Vulcan bonds when he first realized the urge to seek out Spock didn’t dissipate no matter how much he wished it to. Of course there was next to nothing on Vulcan mating bonds. All of Spock’s scans had come back normal, so he wasn’t still in Pon Farr. Leonard didn’t want to lose Jim. He was getting desperate enough that he was tempted to contact the other Spock and ask him. That would teach the Vulcan bastard to avoid him.

The door swished open and Jim walked in. When he saw Leonard he paused and then walked into the bedroom to change out of his uniform. “Color me surprised. You’re actually here for once.”

Leonard flushed and stood up. “I’m sorry I’ve been so weird lately.”

“Are you over whatever it is?”

“Yes.” He imbued the words with all his desire for it to be true.

Jim didn’t look as if he really believed him, but he lost the tense posture and grinned. “Guess where we’re going next?”

“If you’re excited, I’m not sure I want to know.”

“We’ve been cleared for shore leave. We have to make a stop-off at planet Alden first.”

“Good. I’ve noticed an upswing in accidents lately. Also, I swear I’ve caught Scotty stroking the ship no less than five times.”

“I don’t know why people think Scotty’s appreciation of the _Enterprise_ is strange.”

Leonard snorted. “This from the man who coos at his chair like it’s a lover. I don’t think you have room to talk.”

“Jealous, Bones?”

Leonard started to make a quip about how many people had sat in the chair, but shut his mouth. He didn’t think they were at the point where he could make quips about other partners. Instead he stepped up to Jim and nuzzled his temple. “I’ve missed you.”

“I wasn’t the one hiding.” The bitterness in Jim’s voice cut at Leonard.

“I’m sorry. I’m here now, though.”

“So you are.” Jim captured his mouth. The kiss was slow and hesitant, like he expected Leonard to pull away. When he didn’t, Jim pulled him closer, fitting their hips together and grinding against Leonard.

“I’ve missed this so fucking much, Bones.”

“I have, too,” he replied huskily before pulling Jim’s mouth back to his own. Clothes were quickly shed and they moved to the bed. There was a play for dominance before Leonard pinned Jim. “Tonight you’re mine to do with as I please,” he growled.

Jim’s eye dilated and his breathing stuttered. Leonard knew he was right to make an issue of it. Jim needed to feel like he was still wanted. Leonard got up and rummaged around in Jim’s closet until he found what he was looking for. When he turned around, Jim breathed out, “Fuck!” and grabbed his cock.

“We haven’t used these in a while.” Leonard swung the wrist restraints back and forth. He and Jim had picked them up at a sex shop in San Francisco. He crawled back up the bed and took Jim’s wrists. They’d had to rig things when they first came aboard; that had been a fun night. Finding the hook that the restraints rested on, he secured Jim.

“Stop teasing, Bones.”

“I’ll do whatever I want to. You’re in no position to be making demands. I could lick you open until you’re screaming or finger-fuck you until you beg me to fill you up even more.”

Jim licked his lips and thrust up. “Make up your mind quickly. I’ve been half-hard all day.”

“As you wish, Captain.”

Leonard kissed Jim’s neck and mouthed his way downward. Hovering over Jim’s left nipple, he glanced up to meet heavy-lidded eyes. Leonard closed his mouth over the pert peak and sucked hard. That earned him a moan and a buck. He moved down to lick along the lines of Jim’s ribs, and lower to swirl around his navel. He shifted until he was right above Jim’s cock and stopped. Jim whined and thrust up, making his desire clear.

“Quit being such a tease, Bones. Suck me.”

Leonard did as ordered, swallowing Jim down. Jim jerked instinctively and reached down and threaded his fingers through Leonard’s hair. Leonard kept the pressure light and didn’t use his hand. He gave teasing licks before pulling off altogether. “How do you want it, Captain?”

“I don’t care! Just fuck me.”

“Such a wanton slut my Captain is.”

“Damn right he is, especially when he has to put up with a damn cock-tease of a CMO.”

Leonard opened the bottle of lubrication and slicked his fingers. He teased Jim a little more with soft strokes to his opening until he was cursing. He slid two fingers in right away, and Jim hissed. “Too long, Bones, too long.”

“I know,” he soothed. He moved his fingers in and out while he mouthed at Jim’s cock and stomach.

Jim lost patience quickly. “I’m ready—do it.”

He Leonard ignored Jim and added a third finger. It had been a while—even before the whole Pon Farr incident—since he’d been inside of Jim. He hardly ever had the patience to lie still and let Leonard prepare him. Jim liked his sex rough and dirty, and usually Leonard was more than happy to oblige, but that wasn’t what they needed right now. When he felt Jim was prepared enough, he pulled his fingers out and lubricated himself.

“Finally,” Jim grumped.

Leonard reached for a pillow and tucked it under Jim’s hips, tilting them up. When he finally slid into Jim, both of them were moaning. Leonard kept his eyes locked on Jim as he swiveled his hips and then pulled all the way out, only to thrust back in. Leonard had always thought the sight of Jim flushed, panting, and arching underneath him was one of the most beautiful things he’d ever seen. He didn’t know how Jim had been with previous lovers, but with Leonard Jim gave himself over to their lovemaking with an abandon that Leonard had never been able to match.

“Bones,” Jim whined, his arms jerking against the restraints. “Please.”

Leonard bent down to kiss Jim and whisper into his ear. “What do you need, Jim? Tell me and I’ll give it to you.”

“Harder.”

He increased the pace until the sound of skin slapping on skin was the loudest noise in the room. “Is this what you want?” Jim just wrapped his legs around Leonard’s waist and thrust up to meet him. “I’ll always give you what you need, Jim. Do you trust me to give it to you?”

“Yes,” Jim hissed as he guided Leonard’s hand down to his cock. Leonard tugged hard, the way Jim liked it, and bit Jim's shoulder. Jim came with a shout so loud that Leonard knew if Spock was in his room, he’d have heard it. Gripping Jim’s ass, he sought his own release. Jim encouraged him with filthy words and muscles clenched tight around him. Leonard came deep inside Jim and collapsed on his chest, panting. When Jim shifted under him Leonard remembered that Jim was restrained and his arms were probably sore by now. He unhooked Jim and rubbed at his arms soothingly.

“Do you need a muscle relaxant?”

“No,” Jim said sleepily.

Leonard pulled out of Jim slowly and went into the bathroom. When he returned, Jim was sprawled on the bed, hugging a pillow and with one leg hiked up. Leonard could see his come trickling out of Jim’s hole.

“Jim, would you mind doing one more thing?”

“If you want to go again, you’re either going to have to either give me something or wait until after I’ve taken a nap. I’m dead tired, Bones.”

“No, I know.” Leonard went back to the closet and rummaged around until he found another toy they hadn’t used in a while. He returned to the bed and straddled Jim’s thighs. “You look amazing all fucked out, with my come dripping out of you.”

Jim made a small noise and moved back into Leonard’s hands, which gripped his ass. “I want to plug you. I want keep my release inside you for as long as possible. And in the morning I’m going to fill you up again. Maybe I won’t even let you shower. Send you to the bridge reeking of sex and my come. Remind everyone of who you belong to.”

“Fuck,” Jim whined, and he humped the bed. “Yeah, okay.”

The plug went in easily. Leonard knew there was a chance it would fall out during the night, but somehow he thought Jim wouldn’t let it. He pulled Jim close to him and held him, stroking his hair until he fell asleep. He purposely kept his eyes away from Spock and Jim’s shared wall and his mind off any thoughts having to do with how easy it would be to go over there now.

He fucked Jim again when they woke up. He didn’t make Jim go on shift smelling of sex and come, but he was mightily tempted. Jim left his quarters with a spring in his step and a smile on his face. Now all Leonard needed was to corner his recalcitrant Vulcan. First, though, he had to go to work.

He was elbow-deep in requisition forms, medical charts, and lab results when he got an incoming call. Sighing, he answered it. He blinked when Ambassador Spock—or as Jim called him, Spock With A Sense Of Humor—appeared on the screen.

“Well, about damn time. I only wrote you two weeks ago.”

“Forgive me, Doctor. I was away conducting business on behalf of the Vulcan council. I did not receive my messages until yesterday. On what matter may I be of service?”

“You can tell me about Vulcan bonds. Then you can tell me why I feel the almost constant and overwhelming need to seek out your counterpart and touch him.”

“I was not aware you and the commander had bonded. Is he not providing you with adequate answers?”

“We didn’t bond. I helped him through Pon Farr, and ever since then I’ve been making a jackass of myself. It’s affecting my relationship with Jim, as well as his friendship with Spock. Spock’s avoiding me like I have a bad case of space venereal disease.”

The Ambassador looked as troubled as a Vulcan could. “I think it would be best if you spoke directly with Spock.”

“And just how do you expect me to do that? I told you, he’s avoiding me. I’m a little surprised just how well he’s managed it, considering we’re stuck on a spaceship.”

“In this instance I would suggest you treat him like you would Jim.”

“How is that helpful? Usually I have to lie in wait for Jim and then hypo him.” Leonard pondered this. “I always have to be really quick; he’s unnaturally paranoid.”

The Ambassador gave him a look. “I was thinking more along the lines of you waiting for him to return to his quarters.”

“Fine. But when he kicks me out, I’m calling you back.”

“I would expect nothing less.”

They hung up and Leonard stared contemplatively at the wall. He wasn’t sure why he hadn’t thought of that option before. _You know why_ , his brain whispered. He told it shut up. He was perfectly capable of returning to Spock’s quarters and not thinking of how good it felt when Spock had melded with him while they fucked. Leonard loved Jim. He wanted to be with Jim. He just needed to figure out this Vuclan bonding voodoo and everything would go back to the way it was.

After shift Leonard headed straight for Spock’s room. Not bothering with niceties, he entered his CMO override code. It seemed he wouldn’t have to wait out Spock, because he was sitting at his desk and looked up when Leonard walked in. Spock raised an eyebrow.

“Is it not customary to request entrance before entering someone’s quarters?”

“Shut up. I’ve been trying to talk to you for _weeks_. You’ve been avoiding me—don’t even try to deny it.”

“What can I help you with, Doctor?”

Leonard went into the room and sat down, letting Spock know he wasn’t going away until he got answers. “You can start by telling me why I have this desire to be in your presence all the time. Why as I sit here, all I want to do is touch you.”

Spock was quiet as he contemplated the issue. “I had hoped that with proper shielding and distance you would not feel the effects of the bond.”

“So it’s the bond making me feel this way?”

“Yes.”

“You’re not in Pon Farr any more. Why would it still affect me?”

“It is the nature of the bond. It seeks to unite those in it. The bond is a very—” here Spock paused— “intimate thing. Sharing your mind space with another cannot be anything else. We Vulcans have our entire childhood to get used to it. I blocked your ability to feel the bond. It is trying to find a way to unite us.”

“You talk about it as if it’s alive.”

“In a manner of speaking, it is.”

Leonard remembered Spock telling him and Jim that the bond would be temporary, which begged the question, why wasn’t it? He took a moment to think before asking the question that had suddenly occurred to him, one to which he was pretty sure he already knew the answer. “Would the bond that would have formed between you and Jim be the same as the one between you and me?”

Leonard knew he had Spock when the Vulcan tensed almost imperceptibly. “No.”

He waited for Spock to expand and when he didn’t, Leonard asked, “What would have been different?” He watched in fascination as Spock did the Vulcan equivalent of twitching.

“Most likely he and I would have formed a shallow mating bond.”

Leonard was about ready to throw something at Spock, who was taking Vulcan reticence to a whole new level. “Where you and I have a full bond?”

“Correct.”

Leonard sighed. “ _Why_ would a full bond form between you and me, and not between you and Jim?” He knew he’d hit on the right question when Spock’s hands clenched. “Does it have to do with why you were so emphatic in your rejection of me as the one?” Spock didn’t answer.

The conclusion Leonard drew was a hard one. It explained a lot, though. “You care for me.” He was more than a little awed by the notion.

“My thoughts towards you are of no consequence. Jim was the more suitable candidate, as it would not have affected our working relationship, nor would it have affected our friendship.”

“Don’t give me any that logical claptrap. You knew the risk of having sex with me and didn’t even hint at it.” Leonard wanted to blame Spock for all the problems he and Jim were having. He didn’t care if it was unfair to the Vulcan.

“What would have been served by my mentioning anything? It would only have caused unnecessary tension between the three us,” Spock said calmly.

“You’re right, Spock. I’m sorry. I just—I don’t know what to do. I love Jim, but I have these feelings and thoughts that just won’t go away. Jim knows it, too. It’s tearing us apart.”

“It is affecting my relationship with the Captain, as well.”

“How do we fix this, Spock?”

Spock thought for a moment and then replied, “We will wait until the opportunity presents itself to visit a healer and have the bond broken. That will resolve the feelings you’ve been experiencing because of the bond.”

Leonard was all for that idea. He could tell Jim they were getting the bond dissolved and pray his incredibly intelligent lover didn’t ask why there was still a bond in the first place. He couldn’t look at Spock when he asked the question he feared the most. “What if they don’t go away with the bond?”

For a second there was an emotion present on Spock’s face that Leonard couldn’t classify, but it was soon gone to be replaced by Spock’s normal placid façade. “That is something is I cannot help you with, Leonard.”

A thought suddenly occurred to Leonard and he blurted, “What about when Pon Farr rolls around again? Won’t you be back in the very same position?”

“Now that I am aware that I will experience the fires of Pon Farr, I will take the necessary precautions.”

They sat quietly, but Leonard just wanted to get away from Spock and the reminder of his own guilty feelings. He didn’t bother saying goodbye. He knew it was unfair to push Spock to acknowledge feelings he, too, wasn’t willing to give breath to. A secret part of Leonard thrilled to the knowledge that Spock cared for him, against all Vulcan reason; Spock wanted _him_ , not Jim. Then he was sickened by his thoughts. What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he just stop thinking about Spock? He loved Jim, honestly loved him. He was beginning to wonder if it was enough. It was a scary enough thought that Leonard shoved it very far away.

He was waiting for Jim when he returned to his room. Usually Jim smiled at him on his way to change out of his uniform, possibly shaking his ass at Leonard in the hope that it will entice him enough to go a round before dinner. Jim did neither; he only looked at Bones and walked off.

“Jim,” Leonard began.

“Uhura tells me you got a call from Ambassador Spock. Tell me, Bones, is one Spock not enough? Are you going to chase after every incarnation of Spock you meet?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I only called him because I needed some information.”

“On what? How to best seduce a Vulcan? Because obviously whatever you’re doing isn’t working.” Jim was angrily removing his clothes and Leonard was afraid to move in too close lest he be hit by a wayward boot. “You know the whole ship is talking, right? About how you’ve been chasing Spock. The crew has a nice pool going about which one of us you’ll choose.”

“There is no competition. I’m with you,” Leonard gritted out.

“Really? Could have fooled me, Bones. I have to drag you back to the room to even see you these past months. We never have sex any more—”

“That’s the real problem, isn’t it? You’re not getting enough, so you’re coming up with all sorts of stupid ideas.”

Jim’s hands were clenched at his sides and he glared at Leonard. “You’re a right bastard sometimes.”

Leonard stopped the retort that was ready to burst forth. “I know. “ Sighing, he rubbed a hand over his face. “I spoke to Ambassador Spock because Spock wouldn’t talk to me. I wanted to know why I was feeling this way.”

“And what exactly are you feeling?” Jim asked quietly.

Leonard looked at Jim hopelessly. He didn’t want to tell him, knew it would drive the nail that much further into the coffin of their relationship. “It doesn’t matter. I talked to Spock and he agreed that the bond between us needs to be removed. He isn’t any happier than I am with the effects of it.”

“You didn’t answer the question. Wait. I thought the bond was only temporary?”

It wasn’t worth playing stupid. He crossed over to Jim and cupped his face. Those blue eyes were so beautiful he couldn’t help but go a little speechless every time he looked into them. “I love you.”

Jim stared back at him with an all-too-knowing look on his face. “I’m just not the only one you do, is the problem.” He pulled away and went into the bathroom.

Leonard wanted to go after Jim and he wanted to leave. He did neither. Instead he poured a drink and waited out on the couch. Leaving wasn’t an option. If they were to have any chance of working things out he needed to be honest. He needed to voice the feelings he was having for Spock. The problem with that was that once Jim knew, he couldn’t un-know. He’d latch on to the fact that Leonard was having feelings—he refused to label them as love—for another person, not that he didn’t want them or that he wouldn’t act on them.

When Jim stepped out of the bathroom he gave Leonard a surprised look. “I figured you would have left.”

“Why would I? We need to talk about it, Jim. I don’t want our relationship to end over this.”

“You’re the one pulling away, not me, Bones.”

“I know that, “he said testily. “I’m trying to tell why and how I feel, so you can understand better.”

“I don’t really want to hear about how you want to fuck Spock.”

“I don’t want to fuck him, okay? I want to touch him. It’s different. There’s nothing sexual about it.” It was true—for the most part.

“So, what—you just have an uncomfortable urge to hold his hand?”

“Something like that. I feel compelled to be near him.”

“That’s why you’ve been working late or exercising until you drop—because you’re trying not to give in to the urge to go see him?”

“I don’t want to have these urges. I want things to go back to the way they were, before all this Pon Farr drama.”

“You don’t fantasize about him, do you? Like, while we’re having sex?”

“Of course not. I told you: worst sex ever.”

Jim looked skeptical, but then he grinned. Standing up, he tugged at Leonard’s arms. “Then let me remind you just how amazing it can be.”

Leonard let Jim lead him back to bed. He allowed himself forget about Spock and his desire for the man’s touch and presence, for that indescribable and incandescent feeling that left him reeling and alive. It wasn’t hard to get lost in the vortex that was Jim Kirk. Jim made love like his life depended on his partner’s pleasure, and it wasn’t long before Leonard was calling out his climax as he clawed at Jim’s back.

The quiet that settled over them was slightly charged, but not oppressive. They’d get past this. They had to.

For a few weeks things started looking up. Leonard made a point of eating with Jim during the day and being back before Jim got off shift. Jim smiled more, made jokes, and didn’t watch him suspiciously; like he thought as soon as he turned his back Leonard would go running off to Spock. Then came the mishap on Kamaria.

Leonard came out of his office when he heard the commotion. “What’s going on?”

Jim and Spock were sitting on biobeds when he came out. He rushed over to Jim and snatched the tricorder out of Chapel’s hands. “What happened?”

“It seems the Sitka think Spock is a demon and acted accordingly.”

When Jim’s results showed he was fine, Leonard moved on to Spock. “What about you, you pointy-eared demon?”

“I have sustained an injury to my hand. My phaser shorted out.”

Leonard gently picked up Spock’s burned hand. He must be in considerable pain. “Chapel, get the burn cream and a painkiller.”

“I do not need—”

“Shut it, Spock. I know you’re in pain, and it’s only going to get worse once I start cleaning and regenerating the area.”

He ordered one of the nurses to bring him supplies. Tenderly he started to clean Spock’s hand of debris and burned skin. Leonard couldn’t help the giddy rush he felt at not only being near Spock, but touching him. Spock tried to pull his hand back at one point, but Leonard just yanked it back and barked at Spock to hold still. When he was done he set the regenerator on Spock’s hand.

“You can go into your healing trance now. I’m just going to bandage your hands when it’s done. You’ll be off duty for 24 hours.”

“Thank you, Doctor.” Spock darted a glance at Jim. Leonard turned to look to at Jim and found him glaring.

“I’m surprised you didn’t just bend over a biobed,” he sneered.

Jolted, Leonard responded, “What are you talking about?”

“Give me a break, Bones. You were stroking his hands while you cleaned them. I’m not stupid; I know what that means to Vulcans.” Jim hopped off the bed and strode out of Sickbay.

Leonard was so stunned that it took him a moment to comprehend what had just happened. No wonder Spock had tried to pull away. _Fuck_ , how was he going to explain this one to Jim? Deciding that he’d do more damage at the moment by chasing down Jim, he went back into his office to await Spock’s return to consciousness.

When he was finally kicked out of Sickbay by his relief, Spock still hadn’t woken up. Leonard was tired and anxious and he swore he was developing an ulcer. He was already halfway to Jim’s quarters before he realized it might be a good idea to just sleep in his own quarters for the night. He wearily trudged back. He would go to Jim and grovel tomorrow. He had a hard time falling asleep, and when he woke up he felt like he hadn’t slept at all.

After dinner he tracked down Jim at the gym. There were only a handful of people there, but after making eye contact with him they quickly left. Leonard looked around the room and waited for Jim to come out of his running headspace. He knew the instant Jim was aware of him. Jim’s shoulders tensed.

“I’m surprised to see you here. I figured you’d be off chasing Spock.”

“Dammit, Jim. Will you quit acting like a two-year-old? We need to talk.”

“We’ve been talking, Bones. That doesn’t seem to get us anywhere.”

“Then we’ll keep talking until we do.”

Jim reached for his towel and didn’t turn around when he said, “And what if talking doesn’t make it better?”

Leonard felt a sudden rush of panic. Was Jim going to break up with him? “It has to,” he said desperately.

“So, what? You’re going to keep going after Spock and I’m just supposed to look the other way?”

“No! That’s not what this is. We’re going to break the bond, and then everything will go back to how it was before.” God, he hoped so.

“When are you guys going to break the bond? A week from now, a month, a year? Am I just supposed to wait for you to love only me again?”

“I don’t—I don’t feel that way about him.”

Jim turned around to look at him. “I’ve watched you from the moment I met you, Leonard McCoy. I know what you look like when you’re angry, annoyed, sad. I know what you look like when you’re in love. You look at Spock like you looked at me in the beginning.”

“I haven’t stopped.” Jim didn’t respond, only looked at him with sad, tired eyes. Leonard knew it was coming and he couldn’t take it. Moving to Jim, he cupped his face. “Please, please don’t do this. I love you. So much that I hurt from it. I need you. Please.” He hadn’t begged Jocelyn when she told him she was leaving, but somehow the thought of Jim leaving him filled Leonard with a panic so visceral he could hardly breathe.

Jim gripped Leonard’s wrists. “I love you, too, but I’m being honest when I say I don’t think I can take much more of this. I’m not one for beating my head against a wall. I’ve felt like I was second best for most of my life, Bones. I don’t want to feel that way now that I’m an adult. I want to be secure about my place in your affections.”

Leonard nodded and allowed Jim to pull him into his arms. He clutched him like his life depended on it. Jim rubbed his back when Leonard’s shaking didn’t abate. Leonard was no fool. He knew it was only a matter of time before Jim left him. The thought filled him with terror.

“Come on, Bones, let’s get out of here.”

Leonard watched Jim like a hawk from that point on, waiting for the other shoe to drop. He was self-medicating himself with antacids to combat the constant, horrible churning of his stomach. He avoided Spock like the plague, didn’t even so much as look at him when they were in the same room. It hurt. He went nowhere alone unless it was to work and back, lest Jim think he was sneaking off to go find Spock. Chapel had started giving him worried looks. Leonard ignored them and just took more antacids.

They hadn’t had sex in weeks, so he was a little surprised when one night he stepped out of the bathroom to see Jim lying on his bed in nothing but his underwear. “Hi,” Leonard said stupidly.

Jim smiled and patted the bed. “Come join me.”

He was only too eager to obey. After two years together Leonard had gotten used to having sex on a fairly regular basis. These past weeks with hardly any touches other than casual, friendly ones had been difficult. He dropped his towel and crawled up the bed. Jim was on him as soon as he was close enough.

“What should I do with you?”

“Anything.” He’d never meant it more.

“And if I said I wanted to tie you up and fuck your face like there was no tomorrow?”

“I’d say what are you waiting for?” Leonard hated deep-throating, but he’d do it on occasion because Jim loved it so much.

Jim’s eyes widened and his hips rocked forward. He looked like he was going to say yes before he suddenly covered Leonard’s body and pressed him down. “Maybe some other time.”

Instead Jim’s fingers traced down to tweak a nipple and then curved around Leonard’s hip, tugging him until Leonard was straddling him. Leonard fumbled in his beside drawer until he found what he was looking for and handed the bottle to Jim. Slick fingers quickly found his entrance and pushed inside. He braced himself on Jim’s shoulders and pushed back on the invading digits. When he was ready Jim flipped their positions and then thrust into him. If there was one thing besides being dematerialized that Leonard never got used to, it was the first breach of his body by Jim. It never ceased to be the most natural and instinctive thing to open himself up to Jim, to allow Jim to take all of him.

Jim was staring at him with such intensity that it unnerved Leonard. It almost like he was asking him a question, but Leonard didn’t have a clue what it was about. Instead he closed his eyes and raked his nails down Jim’s back, just how he liked it, and was rewarded with a groan. Spock may have made Leonard’s whole body tingle and pulse, but Jim made him feel like Leonard was the center of his world. Like the ship could explode and it would be all right as long as he was wrapped around him.

Jim looked down at Leonard and saw that his eyes were closed. They used to be open, only closing when he was near climax. He couldn’t help wondering who Leonard was imagining above him, inside of him. Jim picked up the pace and thrust even harder, relishing the grunts he got from Leonard. When Leonard sought his mouth for a kiss, Jim turned his head away, burying it instead in the junction of Leonard’s shoulder and neck. Five more thrusts and he was coming with a groan. Jim lifted up to grasp Leonard’s cock and jerk him to completion.

When Leonard ran a hand down Jim’s face Jim pulled out and swiftly moved to the bathroom. He turned on the shower and avoided looking in the mirror. As he stepped into the spray he knew that was the last time he’d be with Leonard. He had tried for weeks to get past the thought of his boyfriend having feelings for someone else, but as shameful as it was to admit, he wasn’t strong enough to look past it. He didn’t think he was being selfish, wanting to be the one and only in Leonard’s affections. He stayed cowardly under the spray for as long as he could before going back out into the room.

Leonard was sitting on the edge of the bed; he had put on pants, knowing what was coming and not wanting to be naked for it. “Don’t say it. I already know.”

“Bones,” Jim said hoarsely. “I’m sorry. I just can’t. You’re not even sure of your own feelings. I can’t be sure I’m who you really want, or whether you’re just so scared of losing me as a friend that you’re staying with me. I think you need to take some time and figures things out.”

“I know I’m a little confused right now, but how I feel about you hasn’t changed. It’s not going to, Jim.” He wasn’t going to beg this time, not that he thought it would work again.

“We’re still friends, Bones.”

Leonard didn’t bother telling Jim he wasn’t sure he could be his friend after having been his lover, without wanting more, that there’d forever be awkwardness between them. That this felt worse than when Jocelyn had finally presented him with divorce papers. Instead he choked back his tears.

“Of course. If you don’t mind, I’d really rather not see you leave.” He brushed past Jim to go into the bathroom. Jim stopped him and pulled him into a hug. Leonard didn’t allow himself to return it, too afraid that if he did he’d make a spectacle of himself.

“I love you,” Jim whispered before releasing him and walking out.

After his shower Leonard paced his room, torn between seething anger and fetal-curling agony. He got why Jim had broken up with him. It was a lot to ask of a boyfriend to ignore his partner having feelings for someone else. Then again, Jim should have trusted that Leonard never would have acted on those feelings. Leonard completely ignored all his fantasies to the contrary. Part of him just wanted to say fuck it and go find Spock and do an encore, but that would hurt Jim and ruin any chance of them getting back together.

He forced himself to get ready for bed. Nothing else could be done for the night, and it was stupid to stay up all night obsessing about it. He did end up failing asleep but was back up four hours later and more restless than when he’d gone to bed. He started to get up and go to Jim’s room when he remembered it was no longer an option. Knowing he wasn’t going to be able to go back to sleep, he got up and dressed. He meant to head down to one of the labs to work on his current research projects, but instead found himself standing outside Spock’s door.

He needed to leave immediately. If Jim saw him right now there would be no explaining this away as anything innocent. His fist clenched and then released before he signaled for entrance. There was no answer and he was about to leave when the door slid open. Spock was in a robe. Leonard flushed at the realization that he’d woken Spock up.

“I’m sorry. I’ll just come back later.”

“Come in, Doctor.”

Leonard tentatively entered the room. Now that he was here he realized what a monumentally stupid idea it had been to come here. “I didn’t mean to wake you up. I—”

“It is of no concern. What can I help you with?”

Leonard opened his mouth to tell Spock he was fine and that he was just going to go back to his room when something altogether different came out of his mouth. “Jim ended things between us, and I don’t know what to do. On the one hand I know why he did it, but at the same time I’m so angry at him for not having faith in us. It’s a relief, too, because it means I can come here and maybe you’ll touch me.” He couldn’t believe he was spilling his guts like an angsty teenager. He took a deep breath and confessed, “Because I really need you to touch me right now.”

It came out pleading and he was more than a little embarrassed. Spock stepped forward and cupped Leonard’s face, his hands soft and gentle. Leonard breathed out a sigh. Finally, a peace he hadn’t experienced in two months. The urges that had been his constant companions disappeared. That spark was there. It wasn’t as strong as it had been during Pon Farr, but it was present. Leonard just leaned into the touch, so thankful that Spock would give him this. The only problem was, with the peace came the chance to really take in the fact that Jim had left him. He pressed himself into Spock’s body, because if it felt this good with Spock touching his face, how good would it feel to be even closer?

Spock shifted to take Leonard into his arms, keeping a hand pressed to the back of his neck. The transference had to be unpleasant, Leonard thought, and he tried to move away, but Spock’s tight grasp kept him in place. Then Leonard felt like crying all the more, because how selfish was he to come seek out the person who had feelings for him, to bemoan how he’d been dumped by someone else?

When Leonard started to calm down Spock led him over to his bed. “Spock, I can’t kick you out of your own bed. I’ll just go back to my room.”

“I am sufficiently rested. It is of no inconvenience.” Leonard wanted to protest more but subsided, figuring he couldn’t be any more selfish than he already had been. Spock tucked him in and stood up. “I believe you will find the Captain only needs some time to evaluate the situation.”

“I don’t think so, Spock. But thanks for trying to make me feel better.” Leonard wanted to invite Spock to stay, but he knew it would be beyond cruel.

“Good night, Leonard.”

“Night, Spock.”

News of his and Jim’s split hit the ship’s gossip mill and had it spinning for days. Jim hadn’t been kidding about people betting on their love life. While Leonard understood that ship life could be very boring at times, he thought it disgusting and hurtful that people would take such a private matter and turn it into a form of entertainment. To top it all off, any hope he harbored that their friendship would still be there was dashed by Jim’s continued avoidance of him. Leonard told himself Jim just needed time for everything to settle. Leonard was usually slightly disgusted by people who lied to themselves; he understood now, though, how lies could sometimes be the only things keeping hopelessness away.

One of the hardest parts of their breakup was to see the further deterioration of Spock and Jim’s friendship. They were still a highly efficient command team, but the teasing banter and shoulder slaps were gone. Spock became even more Vulcan-stoic and Jim played the carefree playboy to the hilt. Leonard physically ached at the thought of his role in ruining such a strong and meaningful friendship.

He did his best to keep his head down and stay busy. He took over teaching the emergency first aid classes and started some experiments he’d had on the back burner. He found the time in the lab helped tire him out. He still visited Spock when the urges became too strong to resist. Spock never said anything, just welcomed Leonard inside. He had thought of asking Spock to meld with him again, but he refrained. He wouldn’t ask until things with Jim were officially over, with no chance of reconciliation. Leonard was looking forward to shore leave in the hope that he could get Jim alone and they could talk.

When shore leave rolled around he spent most of it in the labs. He had asked Jim if they could get a drink together and was told sure, but then he stressed himself out by thinking he should have an answer for Jim by now and what if Jim thought that was why he wanted to meet for drinks? Leonard didn’t end up contacting him to meet up after all. On the plus side he was able to sleep in, and it helped with the fatigue he’d been experiencing. He also made a note to schedule an appointment for some light therapy. He was looking rather sickeningly pale.

One of the good things about staying on board for most of the leave was that he didn’t have to worry about running into Jim and whomever he might pick up. Leonard did promise Scotty he’d meet him with him at one point, but it’d be easy to avoid Jim. He wasn’t sure what he’d do if Jim slept with someone else. They were broken up, but if Jim was interested in getting back together he wouldn’t seek out a one-night stand. Leonard felt like they were in a strange kind of relationship limbo, and Jim’s actions on shore leave would decide the future of their relationship. He half wanted to know and half dreaded. He had no doubt that someone in the crew would be more than happy to tell if Jim had jumped back into his previous ways.

Jim returned to the ship looking relaxed and happy. Leonard was instantly on alert. Jim usually acted that way after a great night of sex. Leonard kept his ear to the ground for any gossip about Jim picking up someone. He heard nothing; either Jim was very discreet or his attitude was due to something else. Leonard was left still in limbo over their relationship status. He told himself he had no right to feel any jealousy when he was sneaking over to Spock’s for comfort while still professing to love and want to be with Jim. He was really beginning to disgust himself with his immaturity and selfishness in this whole debacle.

Jim stopped avoiding him, but they never seemed to be alone. There was still joking and teasing, though none of their inside jokes appeared. Leonard appreciated Jim trying to maintain their friendship, but it just felt hollow. It was back at the same level as when they’d first started at the Academy together. Leonard had started entertaining the idea of a transfer. It made him feel like a coward, but he just wasn’t sure how much of this he could endure before he snapped. The ache to reach out and touch Jim was almost as strong as the one to touch Spock. Leonard was no closer to figuring out his feelings. All he knew was that he wanted Jim and he wanted Spock, but if asked to choose, he’d say Jim every time.

The situation between Jim and Spock hadn’t improved any. Just three days previous Jim had snapped at Spock during a department head meeting. It had made everyone feel awkward. Realizing he was out of line, Jim had excused himself. Nyota had looked at him like she expected him to go after Jim, and he wanted to tell her there was no point. Nothing he could say would make Jim feel better.

Time passed with a slowness experienced only by those who wish to be anywhere other than where they are. Things between Leonard and Jim had neither improved nor declined. It was both frustrating and a relief. Leonard had managed to have a few meals alone with Jim and those had been nice. He had noticed that after those times Jim was a little more relaxed with Spock. It gave him hope that eventually things would work themselves out.

Leonard had just sent a message to Scotty to let him know he couldn’t make it to poker night. He was bone-weary and wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and sleep for a week. He really needed to start taking those vitamin supplements he was always pushing on the crew; exercise probably wouldn’t hurt, either. He’d had a medical emergency two decks above the other day, and by the time he got there he’d been slightly winded.

They beamed down to planet Q5719 to collect samples and survey for possible colonization. It was only the three of them for the moment. The rest of the survey team was awaiting the all-clear sign before beaming down. They’d fanned out with tricorders: Jim to the west, Spock to the east, and Leonard to the north. Leonard had walked for about ten minutes before his tricorder picked up slight seismic activity. Pulling out his communicator, he hailed Spock.

“I’m picking up seismic activity that is increasing and decreasing in waves.”

“I too have picked up readings. “

“Do you—” Leonard paused when his tricorder showed a sudden sharp spike in activity.

“Doctor?”

“It just spiked.”

“My readings have not changed. Send me your coordinates.”

Leonard sent them and continued walking. He was enjoying the feeling of the planet’s sun. It wasn’t as warm as Earth’s, but it was better than artificial light any day of the week. He heard Jim call out his name and turned toward the others. He could see the concern on their faces and was starting towards them when the ground started shaking. He immediately fell, landing on his tricorder and causing it to break and at the same time bruising his hip. Cursing, he tried to get up on his hands and knees to see if Jim and Spock were okay when suddenly the ground beneath him opened up and he dropped into a chasm. He didn’t even have time to shout before he was falling. He had only a few seconds to panic and then everything went dark.

When he regained consciousness it was dark and his head was pounding ferociously. He tried to move and realized he couldn’t. Then he remembered that he had fallen, and saw that he was wedged into a crevasse made by the quake. He looked up and could barely see light. He didn’t even want to know how far down he was, and he flat-out refused to think what would happen if there was another quake. He groped for his communicator, only to find it gone. His head hurt too much to try shouting. He listened to see to see if he could hear either Jim or Spock and thought he could hear a slight something, but more than likely he was just imagining it.

He tried to slow his breathing and did his best not to panic. The thought of Jim and Spock possibly being injured or dead had just occurred to him. Scotty would find them and beam them up. It’d be okay. When he started losing vision in his left eye Leonard knew he was up the creek. His tricorder was broken so he couldn’t be certain, but more than likely he had a clot forming. _Fuck_ , he really hoped they got him out of there soon.

He was resting at an uncomfortable angle to relieve the pressure on his injured arm when he felt something in his head, causing him to twitch and then cry out in pain. He felt it again and alarm spread through him.

_Calm yourself, Leonard._

_Spock?_

_Yes. What is your condition?_

_I—how are you talking to me?_

_I have opened our bond._

Leonard finally noticed that he could feel Spock’s emotions along with hearing him. _I’m pretty sure I have a blood clot in my left occipital lobe, my collarbone is broken, the right side of my body is badly bruised, and my left shoulder feels dislocated._

_If you were thrown a rope, could you secure yourself?_

_No, I’m wedged in too tightly._ He faded for a moment but was brought back by Spock calling to him. _I’m not sure how much longer I can last._ The vision in his left eye was completely gone now.

_Jim is in favor of rappelling down for you. How far down do you estimate you are?_

_That’s a stupid idea. I’m guessing at least 60 meters._ Damn, he was thirsty. He couldn’t think straight through the haze of pain. He felt some of the pain abate and he stirred. _Spock?_

_I have helped ease your pain. They cannot lock onto your coordinates. Jim is going to rappel down to you._

_No, it’s too dangerous. If there was another quake we could both die._

_The Captain has already started his descent._

Leonard looked up and tried to see if he could spot Jim, but his vision was too blurred to see anything not directly in front of him. _By the time he gets here I’m going to be dead weight._

_The Captain will manage._

Leonard drifted for several minutes. He was enjoying the feel of Spock’s presence and emotions. _This is nice. Why didn’t you open the bond before?_

_Would you have wanted me to be party to all your thoughts and emotions? From our many discussions, I received the impression that the thought was abhorrent to you. Nor do I think it would have been appropriate considering your relationship with Jim at the time._

_Probably not, it’s just nice to not be so alone._ He could learn to get used to it, if it felt this good all the time. If he wasn’t fading so quickly he’d be embarrassed by the admission; as it was, he was feeling rather comfortable with Spock’s presence. Before he could tell Spock any more humiliating things, Leonard passed out.

He woke up to the beeping of a monitor above his head. He took a moment to wake up further before he tilted his head back to look at his vitals. Everything looked good, although his heart rate looked a little high. He was alone, and he didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed. He thought he should be relieved considering he wasn’t sure who he wanted to see the most.

Chapel came bustling up to him. “Hello, Leonard. How are you feeling?”

“Tired.”

“It doesn’t surprise me. You were half-dead when they brought you in. You’ve been out for forty-eight hours.”

“That bad, huh?”

“Yeah, that bad,” she said quietly, handing him a PADD with his chart on it.

“I was right about having a hematoma.” He read something he wasn’t expecting, although he really shouldn’t have been surprised. I—” He halted, but she knew exactly what he was asking.

“I had to kick both Jim and Spock out when you started coding. Jim went ballistic. I thought we were going to have to sedate him. It took three minutes to get you back.” Chapel reached out to touch his hand. “Please don’t make me go through that again.”

He squeezed her hand in apology. When he shifted in discomfort she gave him a pain reliever and told him to get some sleep. He stirred when he felt fingers slide against the back of his hand. He knew those fingers, he thought groggily. He tried to flip his hand over but didn’t think he managed more than a twitch. The touch was gone as quickly as it had come.

His next awareness came with a weight against his hip and fingers curled in his. This too was familiar.

“Jim.”

The weight disappeared and a face appeared over him. “Hey. How are you feeling?”

“Better. You look terrible, Jim.”

Jim didn’t say anything, just gripped Bones’ hand tighter. “Don’t ever do that again, Bones.” The “stop breathing” part went unsaid.

“I’ll do my best. I wouldn’t want to steal your Sickbay thunder.” There was something so child-like about Jim that it made Leonard’s stomach clench.

Jim shifted under his gaze. “I’d better go. Chapel’s been giving me the hairy eyeball.” He leaned down and pressed his lips against Leonard’s. He pulled away and rubbed his nose against Leonard’s temple before leaving.

Leonard sighed and resisted calling out to Jim to come back and kiss him again. He knew the only reason Jim had done it was because Leonard had technically died for three minutes. Jim may not want to be in a relationship any longer, but that didn’t change the fact that his best friend had almost permanently left him. To take his mind off the kiss, Leonard yelled at Nurse Zhao for lack of proper sanitation and demanded a PADD. Chapel brought it to him with a nasty smile and a comment about how he’d be back on duty right in time to begin crew physicals. Leonard grumped and muttered about the woman being a harridan disguised as a nurse.

He was released two days later, and as Chapel had pointed out, he was right on time to jump into giving crew physicals. While a necessary and compulsory part of being CMO, it was one of the things Leonard most dreaded. He always ended up having to chase people down and threaten them to get them to come in. He passed Jim and Spock off on M’Benga. He only felt a modicum of guilt at doing this; after planet Q5719, he deserved to be a little selfish.

He was at his desk updating people’s charts when his computer dinged, alerting him to something that needed his immediate attention. Pulling up the screen, he saw lab results. One of the crew must have had abnormal blood work. Frowning, he thought of all the reasons why someone would start losing their red blood cells. Twenty minutes later he had his answer, and with a heavy heart he looked to see which crewmember he was going to have to inform that they were dying.

He retested himself twice before he accepted that, yes, he did have Xenopolycythemia. Chapel confronted him two days later. He put her off, told her he’d inform Jim when he was good and ready and to mind her own business. He should have known she’d take matters into her own hands.

Responding to a page from Chapel, Jim showed up in Sickbay in time to hear Chapel say, “I’m sorry, Doctor, but I’ve paged the Captain and I’ll wait here until he comes.”

“What’s the emergency?” Jim asked.

Leonard looked at Chapel. “I said you were excused, nurse.” His tone gentled. “Please, Christine, I promise I’ll give the Captain a full report.” Chapel looked conflicted, but acquiesced.

After Chapel’s departure Jim remarked, “That was quite a scene.”

“I’ve just completed the standard physical exams for the entire crew.”

“What’s the emergency?” Jim repeated.

“The crew is fit; I found nothing unusual, with one exception.”

“Serious?” Jim queried.

“Terminal.”

“What is it?”

“Xenopolycythemia. It has no cure.”

Jim frowns. “Who?”

“He has one year to live, at the most,” Leonard continued, as if he hadn’t heard.

“Who is it?” Jim pressed, sensing there was a reason the doctor was prevaricating.

“The ship’s Chief Medical Officer.”

“You?”

“I’ll be most effective on the job in the time I have left if you’ll keep this to yourself.”

“Bones,” Jim said. He looked both crushed and shocked.

“My plan is to work for another six months, and after that I will resign my commission and return to Earth to spend what time I have left with Joanna.”

“So you’re just going to give up?”

“What part of ‘there is no cure’ didn’t you understand, Captain?”

Jim growled in frustration. “Don’t give me that bullshit, Bones. How many times have you come up with a vaccine when there was none? You’re brilliant. We have some of the best minds on this ship. Hell, we have Spock,” he ended in desperation.

“Jim, drug testing takes years,” Leonard said gently. “I don’t have that kind of time. I want to enjoy what time I have left, not spend it futilely searching for a cure.”

“No,” Jim stated flatly, and he walked out of Sickbay.

Leonard sighed and let him go. He’d known telling Jim would be difficult. Jim tended to see him as a miracle worker. Unfortunately, there wasn’t going to be a miraculous recovery this time. He knew Jim was off to talk to Spock and/or call Spock Prime. He’d let Jim find out for himself that it was a dead end. Spock had quoted Leonard that the chances of them running into the Fabrini were only slightly better than meeting another grief-crazed Romulan. One of the things he regretted most, besides the fact he would be leaving his daughter at too young an age, was how it was going to affect Jim. He would not take it well. Leonard could only hope his death would bring Spock and Jim back together.

No one else in medical knew besides Chapel, and Leonard hoped to keep it that way. He didn’t need pitying looks, or worse, people trying to do things for him. He’d leave it up to Jim to either appoint M’Benga as CMO or look for a new one. He returned to his office and sat down to await his next visitor. No doubt Spock would stop by to try and logic him into trying to find a cure in an amount of time so infinitesimal as to make it pointless to try.

He was in the middle of composing a letter to Jocelyn when Spock arrived. He didn’t even give a greeting before launching into his argument. “The Captain has told me of your condition. It is indeed regrettable. He also informed me that you have no intention of pursuing a cure.”

“You know as well as I do how long it takes to develop a viable drug. The drug trials alone could take up to a year.”

“There are ways to cut time off the process.”

“It’s a waste of effort and you know it.”

“If not for your own benefit, do it for others who will be diagnosed.”

“I’ve helped plenty in my life so far. My name is already in the history books; let some other enterprising individual make the discovery.”

“Then will you do it for me?” Spock asked, so quietly that Leonard barely heard him.

Leonard had expected Jim would exhaust all possibilities before returning to make the very same plea. The fact that it was Spock who had made it surprised and touched him. Spock, who had never turned Leonard away when he shown up at Spock’s quarters, never made him ask to be touched beyond that first time, was asking him to do the illogical. Leonard, who’d had nothing to offer Spock in return.

“Okay.”

Spock stood up to leave. “We will talk later. I must do some research.”

After Spock left Leonard pulled open his bottom drawer and pulled out a bottle. He didn’t bother with a glass. He cursed when he realized he was going to have to give up alcohol. He called Chapel and told her was he was leaving. He took the bottle with him.

They began by taking already known drugs and started to tweak the formulas. It was slow and tedious work. Spock seemed in his element. Most nights Leonard and Spock would pore over books and journals, taking notes and talking about the efficacy of the latest formula. Jim joined them fairly often, either helping to take notes or doing paperwork. On the plus side, Jim toned down his attitude with Spock.

Two months later, Leonard knew he couldn’t put it off any longer. He approached Janet about settling his affairs. With a sigh he brought up the file containing his standing living and postmortem wills. He had altered his will somewhat after joining the crew of the _Enterprise_ , setting it up so all his money went into a trust for Joanna with Jim as the executor. He read through it, making sure everything was in order, and then began writing letters to the pertinent people in his life. The first three were soon done, and Jim’s letter went quickly as Leonard knew exactly what he wanted to say. Joanna’s was much harder. He had to get up and walk away several times.

When he was nearly finished he hesitated and started writing again. This one was probably hardest of all, in many ways. He knew Spock wouldn’t be hurt at not receiving a letter, because it would never occur to him that he was entitled to one, even after all they had been through. It was for that very reason that Leonard knew he had to write him one. A small part of him still wished that things had been different. That he hadn’t given his heart away one night back at the Academy. He thought he could have been content to spend the rest of his life at Spock’s side. It wasn’t meant to be, though, he knew that now. He just wished he’d known it before everything went to hell in a handbasket.

Some time later, Leonard found himself outside Jim’s door without even realizing it. After dithering for a moment, he was turning to leave when Jim came up on his right. “Hey,” Jim said.

“Sorry, I’m just going to go back to my room.” Leonard was flushed with embarrassment at Jim having seen him standing pathetically his door like some lovesick fool.

Jim reached out and caught his arm. “It’s okay. Stay.” Jim typed in his code and the door swished open. Leonard followed Jim in and tried not to think how long it had been since he’d been in here. “Spock told me about the trials. I’m sorry. “

Leonard shrugged. “It’s part and parcel of drug testing. I don’t expect to make any progress for a while.” What he didn’t have to say, and what Jim knew, was that it didn’t stop him from hoping.

“You want a drink?”

“I’d love one, but I can’t drink with the medications I’m on.”

Jim rubbed the back of his neck. “Right. Of course.”

Leonard’s chest ached. How had things deteriorated between them to the point where they spoke to one another like strangers? “I miss you,” he whispered.

There was no point in trying to ignore his feelings for fear of pushing Jim away. He was most likely going to die. He wanted the time he had left to not be as miserable as the last several months had been.

“I’ve missed you, too, Bones.”

Leonard took the first step and then Jim took the second. Leonard didn’t care who took the third. Having Jim in his arms again felt beyond amazing. Burying his face in the joint of Jim’s neck and shoulder, he breathed deeply. How he had mourned the fading of Jim’s scent from his sheets. Jim’s embrace was just as demanding. His blunt nails dug into the back of Leonard’s neck. Leonard wanted nothing more than at that moment than to crawl inside of Jim and stay, to say fuck you to all his confusing and unwanted feelings for Spock. Eventually the day caught up with him and he started to sway a little.

“Come on, Bones,” Jim said. He tugged Leonard’s hand and Leonard followed docilely. Jim took him over to his bed and slowly began to remove his clothes. Leonard curled into himself a little when Jim removed his shirts, self-conscious about the fact that he’d lost a lot of weight in the past couple of weeks. Jim had always admired his tanned and toned physique, joked that he was glad Bones was grumpy because it kept people from knowing just how amazing he looked out of his clothes.

Jim dropped down to remove Leonard’s boots and then pants. “You’re beautiful,” Jim whispered, placing a kiss on Leonard’s stomach when he lifted his hips up to help Jim ease his pants off.

Leonard reached out to touch Jim’s hair. “I think you’re confusing which one of us is beautiful. I know I look like shit. I don’t think anyone dying looks good.”

Leonard felt Jim’s fingers dig into his thighs and could have kicked himself for his careless comment. He tugged Jim up and started to remove his clothing. He was too tired for things to go anywhere, but he didn’t care; he just wanted to feel Jim against his skin. Jim removed his own pants and shoes and then pushed Leonard back on the bed. He’d never been shy about the fact that he loved being the little spoon. A lot of people thought Jim was flippant about the softer points of a relationship, but he wasn’t—far from it, in fact. Jim was the type to lie next to his partner for hours giving and receiving soft touches. Leonard had always felt loved and protected, wrapped in Jim’s arms. It had been one of the hardest things about their breakup, having to go from being touched and held often to...nothing.

Jim wrapped his arms around Leonard and pulled them tighter around him. Jim had told him once it was like cuddling with a muscled teddy bear. Leonard’s muscles had atrophied somewhat from lack of exercise and food. He no longer had the energy to work out; sometimes it was all he could do to get something to eat before collapsing into bed. Leonard knew the time was fast approaching when he’d have to hand over control of Sickbay to M’benga, but he was holding out for as long as he could. It was the last step before Leonard admitted complete surrender to his disease.

He lay contently in Jim’s arms, savoring the feeling of being exactly where he wanted to be. He could pretend for just this moment that they were still together and he wasn’t sick. He was deeply bitter that his body didn’t even stir. It had been too long since he’d had sex and now it was likely he never would again. That thought led him to new levels of depression.

“I can hear you thinking. Stop.” Jim’s breath was hot against Leonard’s neck and it tickled.

“I can’t help it.”

“You never could,” Jim said fondly. “Relax.” He started stroking Leonard’s arm, and surprisingly it had a lulling effect. Leonard was just about to go under when he heard Jim ask in a quiet tone, “Why wasn’t this enough? Why can’t I be enough?”

Leonard didn’t answer, because he didn’t think “You are and it is” would be believed. He pulled Jim’s arms tighter against him and closed his eyes.

They began the fourth round of drug trials a week later. They were all utter failures, not even coming close to affecting the disease. Spock was doing his own form of Vulcan optimism while he desperately longed for a drink. By the time they started the sixth round of trials Leonard was ready to give up. He said as much to Spock. Spock just blinked at him and went back to work.

Jim cornered him a day later on his choice to stop actively working on a cure. “You’re just going to give up and wait to die?”

“You think I want to die? That I want to leave my daughter? You have no idea how it’s tearing me up inside that I won’t be there for her graduation or wedding. I won’t ever see my grandkids. It’s a physical fucking wound, Jim.” Leonard tried to continue but found he didn’t have the breath for it. “Do you think I want to leave you?”

“Then fight,” Jim demanded.

“I’m tired, Jim. I’m trying, but I’m just so tired. I’m beginning to understand a little of what my dad must have felt.”

Jim paled and reached for him. “Don’t give up, Bones. You and Spock are going to find the cure.”

“I think we will—I’m just not sure if it will be in time.”

“Just try, that’s all I’m asking.” Jim’s eyes were so blue. Leonard could remember the first time he really took the time to notice that.

“Fine, all right.”

Jim exhaled. “Thank you.”

Jim and Spock watched him like a hawk after that. One or the other was always there pushing food or medication at him. While he appreciated that they seemed to have getting along better, he was less pleased that it was over mother-henning him.

Leonard pulled back from the microscope to rub at his eyes. He was so tired; this was their eighth trial and it was looking like it was going to be a failure, just like the seven previous ones. Putting his head down on his arms, he looked at Spock. The Vulcan was prepping more samples to test, so Leonard looked his fill. Spock, unaware of his regard, kept working. He looked tired, which was more than unusual. Leonard had to wonder when the last time was that the Vulcan had slept instead of just meditating. Something welled up inside him; at first he tried to push down, then he just gave in to it. He let himself feel sorry for his own short life and for those he was leaving behind.

“I’m so sorry, Spock.”

He had been so focused on what his dying would do to Jim that he hadn’t really stopped and thought about what it would do to Spock. He was well aware of just how deeply the Vulcan felt things. What would Leonard's death do to him? He was already pushing himself to the limits doing a majority of the work in the labs now that he was so tired all the time, while taking care of his XO duties on top of it. He was such a inconsiderate prick. The tears blurred his vision so he didn’t see when Spock stood up. Thank goodness they were alone.

“Leonard.”

“Why do you love me? I’ve brought you nothing but pain.”

“Leonard, you must calm down.”

“I don’t want to leave you—you know that, right?” Spock brought his fingers up, touching Leonard’s temple, and he felt the pulse of the bond coming to life and it soothed him.

“Who is to say the pain is unwelcome?”

Leonard choked on a sob. “You must know—” He thought Spock deserved to hear him acknowledge it. He couldn’t give him what he really wanted, but he could give him this.

Spock looked at him so tenderly that Leonard cried all the harder. Spock put a hand on his back. “You have been working too hard. You have exhausted yourself. I will walk you to your quarters so you may rest.”

“What will happen to you when I die?”

“I will go on as before.”

“No, I mean when the bond is broken—will it hurt you?”

When Spock didn’t answer, Leonard grabbed onto his shirt. “We have to dissolve the bond. I don’t want you to suffer.”

“That is not what you want,” Spock murmured.

There was no point in denying it. “I don’t want to hurt you more than I already have. I know I’ve been a selfish bastard these past few months. I’ve taken from you and given nothing back. That’s going to stop. I want you to the call the healer.”

Leonard could tell and feel how much Spock wanted to argue with him. Leonard knew he wouldn’t, though. “As you wish.”

Spock held Leonard until his tears dried up and then escorted him to his room. Leonard squashed the impulse to invite Spock in. He needed to be strong in this, for Spock’s sake.

Technically they didn’t need to inform Jim of their request for a Vulcan healer. With the destruction of Vulcan, Vulcan health had been given top priority. Leonard knew Spock would inform Jim of their plan. It was too late to make a difference, but it wasn’t about Jim. Breaking the bond would probably be painful, but it had to be far less painful than if Leonard allowed it to remain until he died.

He was at his desk in his quarters, reading over a message Jocelyn had sent. She had been very civil since he told her he was sick. She’d been sending him weekly updates on Joanna, usually including a picture or a video. He appreciated that she wasn’t making him go to court to have contact with his daughter. She had even offered to let him come and stay with her and Jo when he returned to Earth. To say he’d been surprised by the offer would be an understatement. In his more bitter moments he thought she was probably just being nice because he was dying, but then he’d remember her tears and apologies when he had first told her. He was distracted from his message by his door chiming. “Enter.”

Jim stepped in just far enough for the door to close. “Spock, uh, told me you’ve decided to break the bond.”

“It’s for the best.”

Jim shift awkwardly. “You don’t have to do it on my account.”

Leonard snorted. “Oh, Jim, ever the egotistical bastard, aren’t you?”

Jim straightened. “I’m just saying if the bond is what you want, then you should keep it.”

“It’s not about me, it’s about Spock. What do you think it will do to him, Jim, my death? Especially so soon after the death of Vulcan and his mother? No—the bond must be broken.”

“So you don’t really want to break it,” Jim said quietly.

“Oh, but I do. For more than just that one reason. I just don’t think I owe you the answer, do you?”

“I guess not.” Jim shifted uneasily, and it was such an odd sight that Leonard’s attitude softened. “Have a seat, Jim.” When Jim was seated Leonard just looked at him. Without realizing it, he had been punishing Jim for walking away, and it wasn’t fair. “I also want the bond dissolved because if I allowed it to stay it would be because I’m lonely and having it makes me feel less so. Spock doesn’t deserve that.”

“You like it, though, will miss it when it’s gone.” Jim didn’t sound angry or sad, just resigned.

“I miss a lot of things, Jim, most of them having to do with feeling like I’m cared for.”

“Bones, “Jim said as he reached out a hand to him. “There will never be a time that I don’t care about you, regardless of what we may be to each other. You can come to me about anything. I’m here.”

Leonard wanted to tell Jim he hadn’t been around lately, but that wasn’t true, he had been, just not in the way Leonard had gotten used to. Deciding a change in subject would be best, he said, “The Vulcan healer should be here in a week’s time. We’ll break the bond and that will be that.”

He smiled and got up to go to the replicator. He’d been keeping a close eye on Jim since their breakup; he was still CMO. Jim’s eating habits hadn’t dipped into the dangerous area yet, but Leonard was willing to bet his last hypospray that Jim hadn’t eaten anything that day. He plugged in his food request and waited. When the food was ready he carried the plate and a glass of vitamin booster back to the desk, setting the plate down in front of Jim.

“Eat.”

Jim started to protest and Leonard quelled him with a stern look. “Don’t think I haven’t been keeping track of your food logs. You’re not meeting the recommended daily caloric intake, haven’t for weeks.” Jim had the grace to blush, but then he smiled.

“Always keeping an eye on me, aren’t you, Bones?”

“Someone has to. You’re a walking calamity zone,” Leonard grumped. Taking a seat across from Jim, he grabbed a PADD and pretended he wasn’t watching Jim eat, and Jim let him.

The Vulcan healer Skoll arrived with little fanfare. He didn’t ask why they were breaking their bond, but Leonard thought he detected a hint of sadness when the healer learned of his illness. They decided that Sickbay was the best place for the endeavor since there was a risk to Spock. No matter how well trained the healer was, messing with a Vulcan’s bonds was dangerous.

Laid out on a bed with Spock next to him and the healer between them, Leonard took a deep breath. It was for the best, he repeated for the hundredth time.

“You are aware, Doctor, that you might deteriorate more quickly with the bond gone?”

Leonard had not realized it, but there was no going back. “Yes.”

He felt cold fingers settle on his psi points and barely had time to brace himself for the intrusion before he felt Skoll’s presence in his mind. The healer wasted no time finding the bond. Leonard reached out to Spock one last time, a soft brush of love that was immediately answered. He felt Skoll’s hesitation for only the briefest second before he severed their bond. The pain was greater than Leonard had expected.

He awoke three days later, and true to the healer’s words he felt ten times worse than before. With a groan he sat up. M’Benga appeared shortly afterward. “Good, you’re awake.”

“What happened?”

“When the bond was severed you crashed. We were able to resuscitate you, but the first twenty-four hours were touch and go. As I’m sure you can guess, the xenopolycythemia has taken a stronger foothold.”

Leonard grunted and leaned back. “I guess now is as good a time as any to hand over the reins. If you’ll inform the Captain and bring me a PADD, I’ll finish the transfer.”

M’Benga looked at him with sad eyes. “There’s no hurry, Leonard.”

“I’d rather just get it taken care of, if it’s all the same to you.” M’Benga nodded and left.

After being released from Sickbay a day later Leonard headed back to his room to start making plans to return to Earth. He contacted Admiral Pike and then his mother. She was glad he was coming home, but he couldn’t help but feel the burden he was placing on her.

One of the perks of having relinquished his position as CMO was that he could sleep in and not have to attend the department head meetings. Crawling back into bed made him moan. He really shouldn’t be this tired after having just gotten out of bed.

He was startled out of sleep by someone requesting entrance to his quarters. Too tired to get up and answer it, he waited for them to just come in. Jim found him moments later. “I just got a message from Pike.”

“You knew it was coming.”

Jim went over and sat on the bedside Leonard and Leonard’s pulse raced, as it always did at the closeness of his best friend. “Just because you’re not CMO any more doesn’t mean you have nothing to contribute.”

It meant more to Leonard than he could say that Jim truly meant that. It wasn’t enough, though. “I’m tired all the time. It’s not going to be too much longer until I need oxygen. It’s time I went. I’ve already contacted my mother. I want to spend what time I have left with my daughter.”

Jim was quiet next to him and Leonard knew exactly what he was thinking. “Oh, quit acting like you’ll be all alone. You’ll have Spock and all the rest to help you out. I’ve always thought Spock has done a much better job of keeping you out of trouble than I ever did.”

“It’s not the same!” Jim looked mutinous.

Leonard heaved a longsuffering sigh. “You need to stop that right now. Spock is your friend and first officer. Whatever has happened between us isn’t his fault. You’re hurting him and your crew by treating him the way you do.”

Jim looked like he was going to argue, but then he deflated. “I know I’m being awful. I look at how I treat him and it disgusts me. He never says anything, though.”

“Has it occurred to you that Spock feels guilty? That it was never his intention to get between us? That he thinks the loss of his best friend is what he deserves for wanting what he had?” Leonard could tell that, no, that thought had not occurred to Jim.

“He got you in the end, didn’t he?”

“Jim, you’re a fucking idiot. I’m not with Spock, nor have I ever been. Not that you have a right to be mad at Spock if we were together. You broke up with me.”

“I know!” Jim shouted, and he shot off the bed, running his hands through his hair. “It was never supposed to be like this. You weren’t supposed to get sick. You weren’t supposed to leave me.”

“C’mere.” Jim shuffled over to Leonard and lay down beside him. “You know better than most that life hardly ever goes as planned. You have to get over it, Jim. Don’t become one of those bitter assholes.”

“You’re always comforting me, Bones, but who’s comforting you? I’m so fucking selfish. No wonder you fell for Spock.” Leonard didn’t correct him, nor tell him Spock had been the one to comfort him. He just held Jim.

Five days later Leonard had all his Starfleet affairs in order. He was scheduled to leave the _Enterprise_ tomorrow morning. He’d gone to a dinner with the bridge crew and it had been nice. The night before he’d had dinner with the medical staff. It had made him more than a little sad, but he’d seen Jim make an overture toward Spock and that had given him hope.

Back in his room Leonard waited the last few hours until 02:00 ship’s time before gathering up his belongings. As planned, there was no one in the transporter room when he arrived. He nodded to the ensign manning the controls and took his place on the transporter. He was beaming down now to avoid sorrowful goodbyes. He preferred his last sight of his friends not be of them crying and making empty promises.

He’d just stepped onto the transporter when the door swished open. Whipping his head to the side he saw Spock enter.

“I should have known,” he sighed.

Turning to the ensign, Spock said, “I will see to the doctor.”

When they were alone Leonard remarked dryly, “There was a reason I didn’t want anybody to see me off.”

“I am not ‘anybody’,” Spock said pointedly.

“No, you’re not.”

“You have only to ask, and I will come with you.”

The words broke Leonard’s heart. What it must have taken for Spock to say them. Reaching out, he cupped the Vulcan’s face. “I know. You have no idea just how much I want you to, but you’re needed here more. Jim needs you.”

“I am afraid the time has passed when I may have had any influence on him.”

“Then stay for me, because I’m asking you to.”

The naked longing on Spock’s face was almost enough to bring Leonard to his knees. How he could ever have believed Spock to be emotionless, he’d never know.

“He’s going to need you.” The “after I’m gone” went unsaid.

“If that is what you desire.” Spock stepped back, but before he could turn around Leonard grabbed him. He leaned up and pressed their mouths together. He fumbled for Spock’s hand, wanting to kiss him the Vulcan way, too. Spock gave a full body shudder when Leonard slid their fingers together and sucked his tongue.

When they broke apart Leonard was more breathless then he should have been from a mere kiss, but he couldn’t complain. As far as last kisses went, it was pretty spectacular. Spock tilted his head until their foreheads met.

“Ashayam.” Spock clung to Leonard in a way he never had before.

Leonard didn’t need to know Vulcan to guess the word. He pulled back and looked at Spock. “Don’t hesitate to contact me. I’ll check my messages often.”

Spock gathered himself and stepped off the pad and over to the controls. He raised his hand in the Ta’al. He didn’t say the customary words. Leonard raised his hand in return and smiled. Moments later he felt the familiar tingling of teleportation, and only when he reappeared on the Port’s receiving pad did he realize it would be the last time he’d have to endure it. It didn’t sooth him at all. He headed to the depot to await his transport back to Earth.

When Jocelyn opened the door and took a good look at him she burst into to tears. She pulled him into her arms and held him like she hadn’t done since the beginning of their marriage. He returned her embrace and let go of whatever bitter thoughts he had. She still cared enough about him to cry, and somehow that made it better. He didn’t care for her new husband, but it wasn’t anything concrete. Leonard thought it had more to do with the fact that he’d be the one to raise Leonard’s daughter when he was gone.

His mother didn’t react any better. She helped Leonard when he needed it, but she never hovered. He wondered at the injustice of having to lose your son not even a decade after losing your spouse. He slept in the living room because it tired him to walk up and down the stairs. It was the same room his dad had stayed in the last months of his life. Instead of creeping Leonard out, it made him feel closer to his father. It was nice spending time with his mom, snapping beans and sitting on the porch with tea, talking. It served to make him realize how wrapped up in his own drama he had been over the past year.

After a month he had a routine: he’d get up to take Joanna to school, then spend the rest of the day reading, helping his mother with what chores he could, and napping, before going to pick up Joanna from school. He’d feel guilty that he wasn’t being more productive, that he hadn’t even looked at any of the data Spock had sent on his continuing research, but he just didn’t have the energy to care.

He’d had to get an oxygen machine earlier in the week and he was bitter about it, even knowing it was inevitable as more and more of his red cells were destroyed. He tried his best not to use it when Joanna was around. They’d told her he was sick, but he didn’t think she really grasped what that meant. He wished his six-year-old daughter didn’t have to.

He was napping on the couch when the doorbell rang. It woke him up, but he didn’t bother to get up. He could hear his mother bustling to answer the door. Feeling a little short of breath, Leonard reached for his oxygen mask. He listened to his mother talking to whoever was at the door as he took deep breaths. He should check the time; it couldn’t be that much longer before he needed to go pick up Joanna.

“Len, there’s someone here to see you.”

He sat up and removed the mask as his mother and an unknown woman entered. He didn’t bother getting up, and his mother didn’t say anything about his lack of manners. Leonard waited until the woman sat down to inquire as to why she was there.

“Let me just say I’m a great admirer of your work. The surgery you did on Admiral Pike is legendary at the Academy. I—”

“You’re from Starfleet?” As flattered as he was, it was always nice to know his work was appreciated; he was tired, and as far as he knew, on permanent leave.

“Yes. I’m Dr. Corrigan. Commander Spock contacted me when you failed to respond to his messages. He—”

“I’ve been feeling under the weather,” he said dryly. “What can I help you with?”

She finally got that he wasn’t interested in dragging out whatever she was here for. She reached into her bag and pulled out three phials. “Commander Spock found the cure for Xenopolycythemia. If you’ll return to Starfleet Medical with me, we can begin your treatment.”

Leonard looked at the phials and distantly he could hear his mother crying. So Spock did it. Leonard wondered how. They had discussed its probably being a two-part cure before he left the ship. He still hadn’t said anything, and Dr. Corrigan was looking at him expectantly. He had gotten used to the idea that he was going to die, and to find out now that there was a chance he would get to see his daughter grow up, to be able to return to the _Enterprise_ and his position as CMO, was a bit over overwhelming.

“Mom, call Jocelyn and let her know I won’t be able to pick Joanna up.” He struggled to get up, waving off Dr. Corrigan’s help. “Let me go pack a bag and then we can go.”

He moved in a bit of a daze as he packed, and then he and his mother got into the transport bound for Starfleet Medical. Leonard finally checked his messages and saw the increasingly anxious ones from Spock and Jim. There were a few from Chapel and Uhura, and even one from Scotty. He jotted a quick note to both Spock and Jim letting them know he was heading to San Francisco for treatment. He wanted to say something more, but he couldn’t find the words.

When people said doctors made the worst patients, it was because they were. Leonard freely admitted he was a pain the ass, but he figured he had a right to know all the facts and he didn’t want anything glossed over. He knew there was a good chance the cure would only send him into remission. It was an untested drug and therefore had unknown side effects; they alone could kill him. He was amused when he heard Jim’s voice in his head telling him he was being too pessimistic. He felt a pang at the thought of how much he wished Jim was here with him. Things never seemed as dire when he was around.

The first round of the cure went fine. His mom sat by his side and held his hand. Doctors were in and out of the room frequently and Leonard would have been annoyed if it weren’t for the fact that their hyper vigilance wasn’t just because of a chance at a new cure. One of his old professors was on his case, and eased some of his worry.

The second round was not so pleasant. Leonard started sweating almost immediately. It felt like his blood was boiling, and it was extremely painful. They sedated him for most of it, for which he was eternally grateful. During one of his lucid moments he saw Jocelyn by his side, her face strained and eyes puffy.

“Hi. I had to come. Joanna wouldn’t believe me that you hadn’t died. She was hysterical.” She hesitantly reached out and took his hand. “You’re doing so well, Len. The doctors said just a little while longer.”

He couldn’t talk. His mind was foggy, making it hard to concentrate. His body felt heavy and uncomfortable. When he cast his eyes down he saw it was because he had cooling packs draped across him. He took a clumsy sip of the water Jocelyn was holding out for him. He’d have thought it was ironic that his ex-wife was nursing him if he hadn’t felt so much like ditching his own body at the discomfort of it all.

The third round was the worse. He started to vomit blood ten minutes into it. He could feel himself start to slip and had a moment to wonder if this was what it felt like to die. He started to seize in the middle of the medical staff’s attempts to stabilize him, and it was the last thing he remembered before slipping into darkness.

When he came to his whole body ached to the point where even turning his head felt like a major feat. He saw a swatch of gold through half-lidded eyes and his heart started to race at the implication. When he finally managed to open his eyes all the way it was to see Admiral Pike sitting there, not Jim. He closed his eyes again in disappointment. Of course Jim wasn’t there; he was in space, Leonard berated himself.

“Good to see you’re awake, Doctor McCoy. You had the medical staff worried.”

Leonard tried to speak but found his throat dry and scratchy. After some water he was able to ask, “Did it work?”

“Your last scans show you free of the disease.”

Emotion welled up in him, making it hard to breathe for a moment. There had been times when he felt that dying would have been easier than experiencing the pain he was going through, but knowing he was cured made it worth it. “Why are you here?” He hoped he could be forgiven for being rude. He wasn’t chummy with Pike the way Jim and Spock were, so he was a little surprised to see the Admiral.

“I promised Jim and Spock I’d keep an eye on you for them. They’ve been comming every hour for updates.”

Giving a grunt, Leonard tried to shift and it set off an alarm. A flood of doctors and nurses descended upon him, poking and prodding, scanning and asking him questions. By the time they left he was more exhausted than he’d ever been before. He was drifting when his door opened, and the sound of running feet was his only clue before he was being clambered on.

“Joanna McCoy, get down from there.”

“It’s okay,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around his daughter as she clung to him. Resting his cheek on her head, he looked over at Jocelyn. She’d progressed from strained to haggard. “You look like you haven’t slept in days. I’m fine now; go get some rest.”

Leonard caught Pike quietly leaving the room. He wanted to call out to him and hear about how Jim and Spock were doing. Jocelyn caught his attention again when she moved closer to the bed.

She brought the back of her hand up to her trembling mouth and gave a half-sob. “We almost lost you, Leonard.” He held out his hand to her and she came forward to grab it. “I’m so sorry, Len; I’ve been so incredibly selfish. I thought that once you left everything could go back to normal and we’d be happy, but Joanna’s been miserable and I—”

For a moment Leonard’s heart stuttered, and he really hoped that what he thought she was saying wasn’t so.

“I’ve missed my best friend. I’d forgotten how fake people can be here. You were always so good at cutting through people’s hemming and hawing.”

“What are you saying, Joce?”

“Move back to Georgia. You can get a job at Atlanta Medical or open your own practice, like you always wanted. We’ll raise Joanna together.” She fiddled with his blankets. “We could try being friends again.”

He was more than a little shocked by her offer. He was even more bowled over by the fact that he was seriously contemplating her it. He could still clearly remember when being as far away from her as possible was the best feeling in the world. He thought of the dream he’d once had of owning his own practice, of being able to see Joanna every day, and his mother.

“I know Georgia must seem incredibly small and boring compared to life aboard a starship, but I think you could be happy. I hear Libby Gordon just divorced husband number four.”

Leonard grimaced at their old joke. They had gone to school with Libby and she’d always had a thing for him. “I’m still under contract with Starfleet; I don’t know what they’re going to do with me.”

Squeezing his hand, she said, “Just think about it.” She picked up Joanna, who fussed at having to leave but subsided when Leonard promised he wasn’t going anywhere and he’d see her the next day.

Leonard was awake and eating when the room’s comm unit went off. Thinking it was probably his mother calling to see what time she should pick him up, he hit the Accept button. Jim’s face popped up on screen. “Jim!”

“Hiya, Bones.” Jim looked tired and Leonard was about to gripe at him for what he was sure was the poor care he’d been taking of himself. “I just wanted to call and see how you were feeling. From the updates Spock and I have been getting, it sounds like you’re cured and on the road to recovery.”

“I’m doing much better. They’re releasing me later today.”

“They’re probably kicking you out. I know what a horrible patient you are.”

Leonard smiled and retorted, “I can’t be any more of a pain in the ass than you, Jim.”

“That’s what you think.” Jim fidgeted and then asked with forced casualness, “Do you know what you’re going to do next?”

“I’m not sure. Pike said they’ll take me on as a professor if I want; there are also a few ships that are in need of a CMO.” He took a deep breath and looked away from Jim. “Jocelyn asked if I would move back to Georgia.” He was suddenly desperate to know whether he still had a place on board the _Enterprise_.

Jim’s features morphed into a forced smile. “That’s great that you guys are going to give it another try. I know how much you miss your daughter.”

“We wouldn’t be starting over—not like that, at least. She said she wanted to be friends again. I’d help her raise Joanna.”

“Doesn’t it always start with being friends?” Jim asks with forced lightness.

“Yeah, but sometimes you just can’t go back to what once was.” Leonard grimaced internally when he realized what he’d said and how Jim would probably interpret it. “I haven’t made up my mind one way or another,” he reassured him.

Jim smiled wanly. “We both know nothing can compete with Joanna.”

“It’s never been a competition.” Jim’s sense of competiveness had irked Leonard in the beginning. Now he just accepted it as part of Jim’s personality. Leonard hoped he would pick up on the double meaning.

“Geoffrey is doing good as CMO.” Jim smirked slightly. “You should have seen him scold Spock. I think Spock might have even blushed. You would have been proud.”

Leonard’s gut clenched at that statement. So Jim didn’t want him back. “Good. Someone needs to keep you two in line now that I’m gone.”

They made small talk for another few minutes until Leonard’s mother showed up. Their goodbye was stilted. Leonard still ended up feeling better after the call. He checked into a hotel. Starfleet Medical had given him the all-clear but wanted him close by, just in case. Admiral Kaneshiro, who was the head of the medical department at the Academy, had requested a meeting before Leonard’s return to Georgia. He had no doubt it was going to be a wooing session. Surprisingly, he felt no ire at the thought.

Two days and many meetings later he saw his mother off on her way back to Georgia. He planned on following her the next morning after his last meeting. Dragging one of the chairs out onto the balcony, he raided the mini bar. They didn’t have any bourbon or whiskey, but they had decent vodka. It was so nice to be able to drink again. Propping his feet up, he basked in the breeze coming off the bay.

He was thirty-one and had two failed relationships behind him. He tried to imagine what going back to the _Enterprise_ would be like—if he could fall back into the rhythm of being CMO and just being Jim’s best friend. It was a rather bleak picture. He was going to head back to Georgia and see what the local hospitals had to offer. Once everything was on the table, he’d make a decision. He was leaning towards spending half the year in San Francisco teaching at Starfleet Medical and the other half in Georgia doing consult work. As much as he would have loved to cut ties with Starfleet all those years ago, he found himself quite reluctant to do it now.

A signal for entry startled him. Figuring his mom had called room service to make sure he was eating, he answered the door with a polite smile. Jim stood there with his hands shoved in his pockets. There was none of the usual swagger that was inherent to Jim Kirk. Leonard’s surprise had him blurting out the first thing in his head.

“How did you find me?”

“Pike.”

Leonard stepped aside, making room to let Jim in. “Aren’t you supposed to be in space?”

“I took some leave. I needed to get some testing done at Starfleet Medical—”

“Dammit, Jim! What did you do?” Leonard reached for his tricorder as a hundred different reasons why Jim would need the specialty help of Starfleet Med ran through his head.

“Bones, I’m fine,” Jim said, and he reached out to stop Leonard. “The Admiralty just wanted to make sure. I was planning on taking leave anyway.”

“Why?”

“To come beg you to return to the _Enterprise_.” Jim fidgets in an uncharacteristic move. “I know how much you miss seeing your daughter. All I can say is that we need you, Bones.”

He thrilled at the words. Jim did want to be with him, but he’d been doing some thinking and things had to be different if that was to happen. “What do I have to go back to, Jim? You barely acknowledged me before I fell ill, and then it was these sad, desperate encounters. I’m supposed to return on the promise of more of that?”

Jim shook his head in frustration. “Does our years of friendship count for nothing?”

“You know they do.” Leonard didn’t say he wasn't sure friendship was worth it any more. He didn’t want friendship in old age, he wanted companionship, and he wanted love.

“Then what do you want? We can try being a couple again—if you want. We can keep things simple between us, see other people—”

“Fuck you, Jim! You want to take the relationship we had and make some bastardized version of it? Why? So you can continue to fuck whoever you like without impunity?” Jim opened his mouth, but Leonard pressed on. “I want you, but I don’t hate myself enough to have that kind of arrangement. I think you should leave.” Disappointment and anger settled low his stomach, making him queasy.

“No!” Jim shouted. He raked his hands through his hair. “You have no idea how hard it was for me to come here.” Jim looked at him so earnestly that Leonard’s throat tightened. “That’s not what I meant at all. I was willing to settle for whatever you were willing to give in the hopes that one day we could be what we were before.”

“Jim, you’re not making any sense. Why would you suggest we continue to see other people if what you want is to have what we did before?”

“You’re different with him—with Spock. You’re calm and you tease him.”

“That’s because he doesn’t expect anything from me but friendship. And whether or not you like it, I was bonded to him. For the most part I know what he’s feeling.” Leonard knew now was the moment to say what he wanted, or forever hold his peace. “I love him, but I love you more. You’ve been the only one for me for a long time now.”

“Even after everything I did?”

“Yeah. You definitely didn’t handle things in the best way, but it was an untenable situation. Who knows what I would have done in your place?”

Jim gripped Leonard’s shoulders and tipped his head so their foreheads touched. “I’ve missed you so fucking much. I love you, Bones. I don’t ever want to be without you.”

“I don’t, either.” Leonard decided to save the rest for later. They’d have time enough to talk through all the hurt and pain when they were back on board the _Enterprise_. He wasn’t sure what they were going to about Spock; they’d figure it out together, though.

“Come on, Bones. Let’s go home.”

AN: Just to let you guys know, I do have a sequel planned.


End file.
